Car Stuff Car Stuff Car Stuff: A Review of F1
F1 is a Disney Channel Original Movie. I cannot emphasize this enough. It has the emotional depth of a movie where a golden retriever learns to play basketball.
Brad Pitt’s still doing stuff so there’s that. I guess he used to drive cars but then stopped and now the car… team? Is struggling. So we’re getting ol Braddy Pitts out of retirement. At this point I was on my phone, but based on the audio, I can confirm there were cars.
There is so much car stuff. Meetings about car stuff. Arguments about car stuff. Emotional breakthroughs about car stuff. A woman quits her job at Lockheed Martin, an aerospace and defense company, to design worse cars.
“With most of the racing season finished, Ruben’s ramshackle APXGP racing team hasn’t earned a point because their talented but conceited young driver Joshua Pearce (Damson Idris) lacks the experience necessary to grind out wins. Even worse, their garbage cars, designed by their technical director Kate McKenna (Kerry Condon), can’t compete with the likes of Ferrari and McLaren.”
I can’t say it better than RogerEbert.com. Their cars are garbage. I do not understand the point system and I simply refuse to find out anything additional about it.
So Brad’s pitts is called in to revitalize the team so they can win a point or something. Surprise surprise, the young driver and Brad - I have never thought deeply about the name Brad before and now it’s starting to sound weirder and weirder to me. Brad. Brad. Brad. - don’t work as a team and that’s bad because apparently it’s a team sport to get a point.
Something about tires happens - I’m not sure if Bradley Pittsburgh is sabotaging the other driver because I honestly couldn’t care less. The tires explode and the young driver is saved by none other than Brennifer P. Pitz.
While the young driver is convalescing Bradson is fucking crushing it car driving wise. But then young driver comes back for vengeance and forces our man the Pitt into a crash (not good, not good for Pitt, not good for points, presumably.)
Pitty gets with the lady who makes cars and used to work at Lockheed Martin. He says he’s racing to recapture a feeling he had when he used to race. Feelings are felt.
I remember a scene in a bar where Pitzy and young driver have to play poker with the car woman who used to work at Lockheed Martin. I think they’re supposed to work as a team from now on but I didn’t get the impression that was going to happen. Again, probably on my phone because this is not an interesting movie.
So then there’s another big race and a crash happens and the young driver is like omg that’s Brad Pitt so he let’s him win his first F1 race.
If this movie had been released on Netflix I’d probably be like, hey, that was okay. But for it to be nominated for an Oscar is preposterous. There is no character growth, there is no point, and I learned nothing except that cars are loud. At least in Disney Channel Original Movies someone learns something. Usually the dog. Usually basketball.
2/10
The 2 is because my husband liked it. I assume he was also on his phone.